The Gentlemen Adventurer on Men – Part 8

Posted on April 10, 2010 by



Masculinity itself is incomplete without the two forces of socialization described above. Man at some point must come to terms with God. And at some point he must “settle down” – forever bind himself to one woman and her children, to be their provider and protector. If he does not, he faces temporal and eternal loneliness and purposelessness.

But if he does so, he then faces a new set of challenges. On every side he is bombarded with media and peer pressure egging him on to resume his “independence” and enjoy the freedoms he had when he was single. He must put up with the pressures of a less-than-perfect mate, and he may even raise his own rebellious little barbarians and start the process anew.

Always the temptation will be to forget his responsibilities and embrace his old, gregarious, roving past. If he was mollycoddled for all of his young life he will resent women in general, and view his wife as yet one more “mother hen” to keep him from really enjoying life. In fact, he will have this attitude toward both of the basic social institutions: family and church.

This will have other repercussions. Since law and order are masculine tools created by socialized males, rejection of faith and family also tend toward a rejection of all things “established.”

If he sought validation from a multitude of women before marriage, nothing will change for him once the knot is tied. When he has gotten all of the boost to his ego that he can wring out of his wife – and it may take two years, it may take two days – he will move on to other conquests. But this corruption of the natural order is not without its own consequences, both for him and for the ones he hurts. It is perhaps a paradox of creation that a woman can manage to shift along and raise her children if necessary, but a man is forever lost and adrift without a family; disconnected from society and from civilization. Within a structured environment such as the military, he may still retain a sense of community. But the moment the structure is gone the man will degenerate to the natural mode: the soldier on leave or the sailor on shore leave is proverbially immoral.

One of the reasons that socialization goes wrong so often is because it takes place sans affirmation. So masculinity needs socialization (faith and family), but the unaffirmed socialized male is a very incomplete animal.

Posted in: food for thought